話說焦亮、何清二人來到楊明門首，見門前懸掛燈彩。焦亮忽然想起來說：「何賢弟，今天你我來巧了，今天是楊老伯母的生日，我還忘了呢，今天正應當來拜壽。」何清說：「對。」二人來到門首，家人一瞧說：「原來是焦大爺、何大爺，你快進去罷。廳房人不少呢，只等你們二位了。」焦亮、何清來裡面一看，人真正不少，有追雲燕子姚殿光，過度流星雷天化，千里腿楊順，千里獨行楊德瑞，飛天鬼石成瑞，飛天火祖秦元亮，立地瘟神馬兆熊，金毛海馬孫得亮，火眼江豬孫得明，水夜叉韓龍，浪里鑽韓慶，鐵面夜叉馬靜，摘星步斗戴奎，順水推舟陶仁，登萍渡水陶芳，踏雪無痕柳瑞，一干眾人，都在這裡，見金面鬼焦亮、律令鬼何清二人進來，大眾齊站起來謙讓，彼此行禮。楊明說：「二位賢弟來了，我想著怕你兩個人來不了，還真沒忘了。」焦亮說：「我二人先給老太太拜壽去。」楊明說：「二位賢弟來到就是了，先喝酒，少時我替你二人說到就是了。」焦亮、何清二人坐下。楊明說：「今天我們三十六友，不能齊了。有死的，有出外的，有不知去向的，總得短几位。」眾人說：「那是自然。」飛天鬼石成瑞就問焦亮二人從哪來。焦亮說：「由京都。」石成瑞說：「京都可有什麼新聞？」焦亮說：「有新聞，殺華雲龍。」楊明一聽說：「謝天謝地。」焦亮說：「楊大哥，華雲龍是你的引見，跟三十六友結拜，他不好，你應當管他，現在他死在臨安，身受國法，你怎么倒說謝天謝地？」楊明說：「焦賢弟，你知道華雲龍所作所為不知道？」焦亮說：「不知。」楊明就把華雲龍大鬧臨安，烏竹庵因奸不允殺死貞節烈婦，泰山樓殺人，秦相府盜玉鐲鳳冠，趙家樓怎么採花，大柳林怎么鏢傷三友，怎么夜入蓬萊觀，後又鏢傷三友的話，從頭至尾一說。秦元亮、馬兆熊聽見提華雲龍，恨不能生食華雲龍之肉。焦亮、何清一聽，說：「了不得，我二人做錯了事了。」楊明說：「你二人做錯了什麼事？」焦亮說：「大哥可知道濟顛僧？」楊明說：「知道。」焦亮說：「我二人不知細情，替華雲龍報仇，把和尚殺了。」楊明一聽說：「濟公那是活佛，你怎么配殺得了？」焦亮說：「你不信，人頭在包袱包著帶來了。」楊明說：「你打開我瞧瞧。」焦亮立刻打開一看，就愣了，原來是半個老倭瓜。上面有四句話，寫的是：
话说焦亮、何清二人来到杨明门首，见门前悬挂灯彩。焦亮忽然想起来说：「何贤弟，今天你我来巧了，今天是杨老伯母的生日，我还忘了呢，今天正应当来拜寿。」何清说：「对。」二人来到门首，家人一瞧说：「原来是焦大爷、何大爷，你快进去罢。厅房人不少呢，只等你们二位了。」焦亮、何清来里面一看，人真正不少，有追云燕子姚殿光，过度流星雷天化，千里腿杨顺，千里独行杨德瑞，飞天鬼石成瑞，飞天火祖秦元亮，立地瘟神马兆熊，金毛海马孙得亮，火眼江猪孙得明，水夜叉韩龙，浪里钻韩庆，铁面夜叉马静，摘星步斗戴奎，顺水推舟陶仁，登萍渡水陶芳，踏雪无痕柳瑞，一干众人，都在这里，见金面鬼焦亮、律令鬼何清二人进来，大众齐站起来谦让，彼此行礼。杨明说：「二位贤弟来了，我想着怕你两个人来不了，还真没忘了。」焦亮说：「我二人先给老太太拜寿去。」杨明说：「二位贤弟来到就是了，先喝酒，少时我替你二人说到就是了。」焦亮、何清二人坐下。杨明说：「今天我们三十六友，不能齐了。有死的，有出外的，有不知去向的，总得短几位。」众人说：「那是自然。」飞天鬼石成瑞就问焦亮二人从哪来。焦亮说：「由京都。」石成瑞说：「京都可有什么新闻？」焦亮说：「有新闻，杀华云龙。」杨明一听说：「谢天谢地。」焦亮说：「杨大哥，华云龙是你的引见，跟三十六友结拜，他不好，你应当管他，现在他死在临安，身受国法，你怎么倒说谢天谢地？」杨明说：「焦贤弟，你知道华云龙所作所为不知道？」焦亮说：「不知。」杨明就把华云龙大闹临安，乌竹庵因奸不允杀死贞节烈妇，泰山楼杀人，秦相府盗玉镯凤冠，赵家楼怎么采花，大柳林怎么镖伤三友，怎么夜入蓬莱观，后又镖伤三友的话，从头至尾一说。秦元亮、马兆熊听见提华云龙，恨不能生食华云龙之肉。焦亮、何清一听，说：「了不得，我二人做错了事了。」杨明说：「你二人做错了什么事？」焦亮说：「大哥可知道济颠僧？」杨明说：「知道。」焦亮说：「我二人不知细情，替华云龙报仇，把和尚杀了。」杨明一听说：「济公那是活佛，你怎么配杀得了？」焦亮说：「你不信，人头在包袱包着带来了。」杨明说：「你打开我瞧瞧。」焦亮立刻打开一看，就愣了，原来是半个老倭瓜。上面有四句话，写的是：
Now, Jiao Liang and He Qing came to Yang Ming’s gate and saw lanterns and festive hangings over it. Jiao Liang suddenly remembered. “Brother He,” he said, “we’ve picked a lucky day to come. Today is old Aunt Yang’s birthday, and I clean forgot. We ought to be here today to wish her long life anyway.” “Right,” said He Qing. The two of them came up to the gate. A servant took one look and said, “Why, it’s Master Jiao and Master He. Go on in, quick. There’s a crowd in the hall, and they’re only waiting for you two.” Jiao Liang and He Qing went in and looked, and there really was a crowd: Yao Dianguang, the Cloud-Chasing Swallow; Lei Tianhua, the Meteor Crossing the Water; Yang Shun, Thousand-Li Legs; Yang Derui, the Lone Traveller of a Thousand Li; Shi Chengrui, the Flying Ghost; Qin Yuanliang, the Flying Fire Patriarch; Ma Zhaoxiong, the Plague God on Earth; Sun Deliang, the Golden-Haired Sea Horse; Sun Deming, the Fire-Eyed River Boar; Han Long, the Water Yaksha; Han Qing, the Wave-Burrower; Ma Jing, the Iron-Faced Yaksha; Dai Kui, the Star-Plucker and Dipper-Strider; Tao Ren, the Boat-Pusher with the Current; Tao Fang, Duckweed Treader, Water Crosser; Liu Rui, No Footprints in the Snow. The whole lot of them were there. When they saw Jiao Liang, the Golden-Faced Ghost, and He Qing, the Command Ghost, come in, they all stood up together to make room for them, and everyone exchanged bows. “So you’ve come, brothers,” said Yang Ming. “I was afraid you two couldn’t make it, but you didn’t forget after all.” “We’ll go and wish the old lady long life first,” said Jiao Liang. “You’re here, brothers, and that’s what counts,” said Yang Ming. “Have a drink first. In a while I’ll give her your respects for you.” Jiao Liang and He Qing sat down. “Today we Thirty-Six Heroes can’t all be here,” said Yang Ming. “Some are dead, some are away, some nobody knows where they’ve gone. There are always a few missing.” “Naturally,” everyone said. Shi Chengrui, the Flying Ghost, asked Jiao Liang and He Qing where they had come from. “From the capital,” said Jiao Liang. “Any news in the capital?” asked Shi Chengrui. “There’s news,” said Jiao Liang. “They’ve executed Hua Yunlong.” When Yang Ming heard this, he said, “Thank heaven and earth!” “Brother Yang,” said Jiao Liang, “Hua Yunlong came in on your introduction and swore brotherhood with the Thirty-Six Heroes. If he went bad, you ought to have taken him in hand. Now he’s died in Lin’an and paid the penalty of the law, and you say thank heaven and earth?” “Brother Jiao,” said Yang Ming, “do you know what Hua Yunlong did, or don’t you?” “No,” said Jiao Liang. So Yang Ming told them the whole story from beginning to end: how Hua Yunlong had run riot in Lin’an; how at Wuzhu Nunnery he had killed a chaste and virtuous woman because she would not give in to him; how he had killed a man at Taishan Tower; how he had stolen the jade bracelets and the phoenix crown from Chancellor Qin’s mansion; how he had gone flower-plucking at the Zhao Family Tower; how he had wounded three friends with his darts in Daliu Grove; how he had broken into Penglai Temple by night; and how after that he had wounded three friends with his darts again. When Qin Yuanliang and Ma Zhaoxiong heard Hua Yunlong mentioned, they wished they could eat his flesh raw. When Jiao Liang and He Qing heard all this, they said, “This is terrible! We’ve done something wrong.” “What have you done wrong?” asked Yang Ming. “Brother, do you know Crazy Ji?” said Jiao Liang. “I do,” said Yang Ming. “We didn’t know the facts,” said Jiao Liang. “We took revenge for Hua Yunlong and killed the monk.” At this Yang Ming said, “Ji Gong is a living Buddha. What makes you fit to kill him?” “If you don’t believe it,” said Jiao Liang, “we’ve brought the head along wrapped in a bundle.” “Open it up and let me see,” said Yang Ming. Jiao Liang opened it at once, looked, and was struck dumb. It was half of an old squash. On it were four lines, which read:
可笑焦亮與何清，誤把倭瓜當我僧。二人勉強行此事，難免當下有災星。
可笑焦亮与何清，误把倭瓜当我僧。二人勉强行此事，难免当下有灾星。
What a laugh! Jiao Liang and He Qingtook a squash for this monk instead!You two pushed through a reckless deed,and a star of ill luck hangs overhead.
眾人一看，哄堂大笑。馬靜說：「濟公乃是活佛，在我家毗盧寺捉過妖，你們如何殺得了！濟公說的話，準得應驗，說你二人有災，你二人還得趕緊躲避。」焦亮說：「我二人回家躲幾天，然後到靈隱寺找聖僧，給他老人家賠不是。」大眾說：「言之有理。」眾人在楊明家熱鬧了兩天，過了壽日，眾人告辭，各分南北東西。且說馬靜同焦亮、何清，一同奔小月屯。這天來到小月屯，有日色西斜之時，見小月屯裡家家關門閉戶，街上問一個人都沒有，素常不是這個樣子，馬靜說：「這是怎么了？莫非有什麼緣故？」三個人來到馬靜家門前一叫，門裡面何氏娘子出來問：「誰呀？」馬靜說：「我。」何氏一聽，把門開開道：「你可回來了，小月屯住不得了！可了不得了！」
众人一看，哄堂大笑。马静说：「济公乃是活佛，在我家毗卢寺捉过妖，你们如何杀得了！济公说的话，准得应验，说你二人有灾，你二人还得赶紧躲避。」焦亮说：「我二人回家躲几天，然后到灵隐寺找圣僧，给他老人家赔不是。」大众说：「言之有理。」众人在杨明家热闹了两天，过了寿日，众人告辞，各分南北东西。且说马静同焦亮、何清，一同奔小月屯。这天来到小月屯，有日色西斜之时，见小月屯里家家关门闭户，街上问一个人都没有，素常不是这个样子，马静说：「这是怎么了？莫非有什么缘故？」三个人来到马静家门前一叫，门里面何氏娘子出来问：「谁呀？」马静说：「我。」何氏一听，把门开开道：「你可回来了，小月屯住不得了！可了不得了！」
Everyone looked, and the whole hall roared with laughter. “Ji Gong is a living Buddha,” said Ma Jing. “He caught a demon at our family’s Pilu Temple. How could you two kill him? What Ji Gong says always comes true. If he says you two are in for trouble, you’d better hurry up and lie low.” “We’ll go home and hide for a few days,” said Jiao Liang, “and then go to Lingyin Temple to find the holy monk and beg his pardon.” “Well said,” everyone said. The company made merry at Yang Ming’s house for two days, and when the birthday was over they took their leave and scattered north, south, east and west. Our story turns to Ma Jing, who set off with Jiao Liang and He Qing for Xiaoyue Village. They reached Xiaoyue Village one day as the sun was sinking in the west, and found every house in the village with its doors shut and barred. There was not a soul in the street to ask. It was never like this as a rule. “What’s going on?” said Ma Jing. “Can something have happened?” The three of them came to the gate of Ma Jing’s house and called out. His wife, Madam He, came out to the other side of the gate and asked, “Who’s there?” “Me,” said Ma Jing. When Madam He heard this, she opened the gate. “So you’re back at last!” she said. “Nobody can live in Xiaoyue Village any more! It’s dreadful!”