Now, Ji Gong and the two head constables, Chai and Du, were sitting in the inn talking over the two murders in Longyou County. “Monk,” asked Head Constable Chai, “do you know who did it or don’t you?” The monk pointed outside. “Look,” he said, “here comes the killer.” Head Constable Chai looked out. He heard someone outside call “Amitabha!”, and in came a monk nine feet tall, with a big head and a short neck. His hair hung loose, held by a band of gold1. His face was red as spattered blood, with thick brows and big eyes that flashed and glittered. He wore a black monk’s robe, and at his side hung a precept knife2. The waiter called out, “The reverend is back! Your wine and dishes are all ready.” “Very well,” said the monk, and with that he went into the main room on the north side3. “Master,” said Head Constable Chai, “look at that monk. What a savage face he has.” “Never mind him,” said Ji Gong. “Let’s order wine and dishes.” So they called the waiter and ordered wine and food. When they had eaten and drunk, Ji Gong said, “Waiter, put the word about for me. Tell the guests in this inn that in our east side room there’s a reverend monk and two laymen4, and nobody in the other rooms is to grunt or cough. If they disturb the monk, the monk will go to their room and cough all night.” “That’s none of my business,” said the waiter. “I’m not asking you to do it for nothing,” said Ji Gong. “I’ll give you a lump of silver.” He pulled out a lump of silver weighing more than two taels. The waiter looked at it. “Monk, if you really give me that silver, I’ll say it.” “Here,” said the monk. “This monk has money, and this is how he likes to spend it.” The waiter took the silver and shouted: “Listen well, all you guests! In our east side room there’s a monk staying, and two laymen. The monk says nobody in the other rooms is to grunt or cough. Whoever coughs, the monk will go to his room and cough there all night!” “Waiter, come back,” said Ji Gong. “Tell them this: the guests are to sleep and behave themselves. If any of them are cosying up together in one room, this monk will know, and he’ll go over and squeeze in and sleep with them too.” “I don’t dare say that,” said the waiter. “I’m afraid they’d beat me.” “If you say it,” said Ji Gong, “I’ll give you another lump of silver.” “Give me the silver and I’ll say it,” said the waiter. “Master,” said Head Constable Chai, “you’re just throwing your silver away.” “That’s how I like to spend it,” said the monk, and he gave the waiter another lump of silver. The waiter shouted the whole thing out again just as before. A guest in the room next door heard it and quickly called the waiter to move him to another room. “What for?” said the waiter. “I’ve got consumption,” said the guest. “I’m always coughing. I’d better get out of the way while I can.” “Don’t worry about it,” said the waiter. “You go to sleep. I only did it for a few taels of silver. That monk’s half mad, pay him no mind.” With that the waiter went off to the front, and Ji Gong, Head Constable Chai and Head Constable Du went to sleep as well.

Head Constables Chai and Du used their bundles as pillows, and the monk laid his head on the teapot. Around the second watch5 the monk broke the teapot and spilled tea all over the kang. Then he started shouting: “Help! Murder! Somebody’s been killed! Quick, save me!” The innkeeper and the waiters all leapt out of bed in fright. A waiter ran over to look. “What’s the matter?” he said. “I need to relieve myself,” said the monk. “You need to relieve yourself, so you go yelling murder? You scared us half to death!” “If I hadn’t said it,” said the monk, “none of you would have come out. I called you up to go to the privy with me.” “There’s a privy for that,” said the waiter. “I’m not going with you.” “You carry a lantern for me and come along while I do my business,” said the monk. “I won’t have you come for nothing. I’ll give you five taels of silver.” “Really?” said the waiter. “I don’t tell lies,” said the monk. So the waiter lit the lantern and went with the monk to the privy. “You stand right here outside the privy,” said the monk, “and hold the lantern up high. No poking your head in to peek. If you peek even once, you don’t get the five taels.” “All right,” said the waiter. The monk went into the privy, worked his escape magic, jumped over the wall and headed straight for Penglai Temple. In the woods he came upon Lu Tong beating Hua Yunlong’s hero’s cloak with his staff. The monk pulled his robe over his head and gave a shout at Lu Tong, and down went Lu Tong head over heels. Cutting him off on three sides, the monk drove Lu Tong toward Penglai Temple, and Lord Arhat followed behind him to the gate of Penglai Temple. He waited until Lu Tong had gone in and the uproar inside was over; only then did the monk knock at the gate and say, “Excuse me. Is Hua Yunlong here?” That was what so frightened Hua Yunlong that he begged everyone to plead for him, and he hid in the courtyard with Lu Tong.

Yang Ming told a Daoist boy to bring a lamp, and they all came out to welcome him. When the gate opened, they all stepped up and bowed. The monk laughed. “So you’re all here.” “Yes,” said Yang Ming. “Master, where have you come from?” “I’ve come from Longyou County,” said Ji Gong. “Please come in and sit down, Master,” said Yang Ming. The monk nodded and went in through the temple gate, and the little Daoist boy shut the gate behind them. They all crowded round him into the west side room. The monk saw wine and dishes on the table, and he sat down on a chair by the north wall, facing south6. “Have some wine, Master,” said Yang Ming, and he poured a cup and handed it to Ji Gong. Kong Gui sat down on the chair across from the monk. Being a dwarf, he had to jump to get up on it. The monk looked up. “And what is this Daoist friend’s honourable name?” Kong Gui hurriedly jumped down. “Your disciple is named Kong, Kong Gui,” he said. “People have given me the little title of the Short-Legged Perfected One7.” “Sit down, sit down,” said the monk. “No need for ceremony.” Kong Gui had just jumped back up on his chair when the monk said, “Daoist friend, how many years is it since you left home for the religious life?” Kong Gui jumped down again. “Your disciple came to the religious life late, after living as a layman. It’s been seven or eight years.” “Sit down and talk,” said the monk. Kong Gui jumped back up on his chair and sat. “How many disciples do you have here in the temple?” said the monk. Kong Gui jumped down again. “Four boys.” “Don’t stand on ceremony,” said the monk. “Sit down, sit down.” Chen Liang couldn’t help laughing. “Second Brother Kong,” he said, “just sit there and talk. You don’t know the master’s ways: he loves a joke more than anything. He sees you’re short, so he keeps you jumping up and down. He’s doing it on purpose, to have some fun with you.” Ji Gong laughed. “Good old Chen Liang! I was just enjoying the hopping shrimp8, and you’ve gone and given the game away.” “Master,” said Kong Gui, “we’re all one family. Don’t go watching shrimps hop. Have some wine, Master.” Meanwhile, outside, Hua Yunlong kept begging Lu Tong and kowtowing to him. “Younger Brother Lu, give me my hero’s cloak.” Lu Tong had mortal eyes and a Buddha’s heart9: the moment Hua Yunlong kowtowed, he gave him the cloak. “Younger Brother Lu,” said Hua Yunlong, “squat down and let me stand on your shoulders so I can climb up to the window. I want to see what this crazy monk looks like.” “Take a look and come straight down,” said Lu Tong. “Otherwise I’ll throw you, you sorry ball-bag.” “All right,” said Hua Yunlong, and he stepped up onto Lu Tong’s shoulders.